Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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