Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
did you just send me my own nude
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
