Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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