I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
