if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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