if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
