Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
