Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
