Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sorry my hands just texted you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
