So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
