Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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