I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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