I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
