I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
