I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
