you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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