I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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