oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
