I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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