Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
