Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
