I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
