good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
