nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
