i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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