If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
