i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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