You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
