I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
