2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think i peed on brittanys purse
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
