Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think people are normalizing furries
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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