Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
