youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
