i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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