He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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