His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
