This house was built for laser tag.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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