He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
