i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
