I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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