Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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