Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
