I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
