And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
