I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
