Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
