$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
