I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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