quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
