i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
