Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
