you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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