My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
