So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
