So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
