By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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