'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
