Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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